This I know for sure...

You know Wendy makes fun of my blog allot and I know she is just teasing, but this is me...I write about the things that I feel...One thing I have learned in the past 5 plus years is life isn't fair and it doesn't always turn out like we hope...Even when you do everything right, it still may never be what you want, yes it could be better, but it may not...Knowing how short life is and how quickly it can change, I want to be able to leave this world with clean hands and a pure heart...Here goes the CJ, CJ, CJ, part...sticks tongue out at Wendy...I often wonder if Charlie has any idea how much his wife, his girls, his grandchildren love him, miss him and the great loss this family has suffered without him...All of the girls growing up years, it hurt me so bad for our family to be in the shape it was in sometimes...All I ever wanted was for Charlie to love God, love us, love the church...It appears the dreams that I hold so dear have always been one step ahead of my grasp...I love to have fun, to joke and laugh, it's how I stay sane...But God only knows the depth of hurt that is deep in the depths of my heart and soul...Bro Dupre said during the revival, I have never been so alone in all my life...Boy howdy do I know that feeling...The longing for a Godly man to love me and my children, my grandchildren and be the spiritual, emotional, integrity backbone of this family...Unless you know from experience what I am talking about, it's a pain that cannot be described in words...Please don't take this as a woe is me blog, it's just my heart for the loss of my dreams...I still have peace, victory and joy in the Lord...And I know that God is the God of the impossible, that is where my hope lies...I love Wendy and Erika more than I know how to tell them...All I want for them is, to be in God's perfect will and make heaven...To have a loving, Christian home and enjoy the sheer pleasure and joy of loving the Lord and one another...I don't want them to be without the things that they need, but if you don't have Jesus, you don't have anything....Pray for Charlie...I would just like to talk to him sometime to see how he is doing...I wished both of my girls and grandchildren could share their heart with him and tell him, we hurt still, we miss him still and our lives will never be the same again...Wendy, I love you...Erika, I love you...Caetie, Toby, Allie, Silas, GG, Kailee, Ben, Madelynn, I love you...Charlie I don't know how much time I will be given in this life, none of us do, but I want to make sure that you know I love you, I forgive you and I pray you find peace before you leave this world...