What an honor to be a mother...

What an honor and a responsibility it is to be a mother. The best part of Charlie and I is our offspring, our love shown to the world in the form of children and grandchildren. Parts of me, parts of him, never to be duplicated ever again. They will only have one mother, one father for this lifetime. Our children will carry the good, the bad, the hurts, the joys that we tried to share with them in this life. I still make decisions that I know will affect them. I recently had a crazy proposition from a man. And I said that would not be appropriate, I am a role model for my children and grandchildren. I took a covenant for better or worse till death and I meant it. I love the Lord, I love my family and I am glad that is a priority in my life. Your children don't always do what they were taught, but my responsibility isn't over just because they are grown. I was married when my Dad left my Mother and I can still see me knelt on the floor of my bedroom on Burbank Avenue crying hysterically out to God. Funny thing is Charlie came and sat on the bed and said "Vicky it's going to be alright." Well it wasn't and I couldn't have been more devastated if they told me they died or something. Our family has paid over and over for my parents decisions during that time. What if Momma had of held on to Jesus instead of following my Dad into sin? Would her praying have made the difference? I told my Dad I want Charlie to have the peace that passes all understanding before he leaves this world and I pray for him daily. My Dad said "Vicky your prayers may be the difference in heaven and hell for Charlie." I don't take that lightly. I feel responsible to pray for him. I want to make eternal difference in his life, not temporal happiness. Happy and glad can be miserable and sad tomorrow, but the feeling of knowing you have peace between you and God and all your wrongs are cleansed by the precious blood of Jesus can only be felt by the participant. I want him to know God for himself. I don't know the answers to all the questions, but one thing I know, GOD has all the answers and I commit the end results of it all to him. I have had wonderful mothers in my life. My Nanny was an awesome, precious, Christian lady. My Mamaw was a rock solid Christian woman. Mamaw believed in the power of living a holy life, the power of the word of God and the power of prayer. She was a Holy Ghost filled 4'11" package of dynamite. She pulled no punches when it came to God's word. She told her own children the error of their ways all the way to the end of her 96 years on this earth. My Nanny was a student of the word of God and a quiet private praying lady. Nanny exemplified love in action. Nanny had a servant heart like I have never seen before or after. Nanny went the extra mile for all those she loved. I am so thankful for their influence in my formative years. What a heritage I have. Can you believe I grew up with no smoking, cursing, drinking anywhere around me? To look at what drastic changes have occurred just in my lifetime is mind boggling. My mother took us to church anywhere within a 2 hour radius of Nashville, whether it was homecomings, singings, revivals, youth camps, conventions, assemblies, you name it, we went. Later on in her life she left the Lord and today we are still feeling the ramifications of the decisions that were made while both my parents were in sin. My Dad and her divorced and our family unit has never been the same since. My whole life was devoted to my family unit. I never really wanted anything else. The highest calling to me is a godly family. I loved my husband, I loved my children and all the decisions I made and still make are to honor God and my family. There are no magazine covers I am going to grace, but I want to be remembered as living by Amazing Grace. I don't deserve God's grace, but his grace and mercy have brought me through, I'm living this moment because of you, I want to thank you and praise you too, for your grace and mercy brought me through. The bible says wide is the gate that leads to destruction and many there be that go in there at, but strait is the gate and narrow is the way that leads to everlasting life. The bible also says, if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and sinner appear? That heritage I grew up with still holds me today. That godly heritage is still rooted and grounded deep in my heart. Though the world as a whole has abandon any real semblance of integrity or morality and the religious world has abandon basic tenants of holy living. The bible still says that without holiness NO MAN/WOMAN shall see the Lord. You can't see it in this life or the life to come. The god of this world has blinded your eyes that you cannot see. God gave us free will, we can have it our way, but we will miss heaven. We can do what pleases us and makes us feel good regardless of the cost to others and miss heaven. Or we can stick to the bible, for it's precepts never change. I change not saith the Lord. He is the consistency of my life. All other ground is sinking sand. My personal, spiritual house is founded on the rock of ages. I don't want to move one toe off to the sinking sand of this world. My eternal soul is worth more than the fleeting desires of the flesh. I have tried the world and I have said many times, it wasn't worth the cost. I can't go back and undo the damage. I can't change the past, but I am still looking for that blessed hope of heaven. This world is not my home, I'm only passing by, my treasures and my hopes are all up in the sky. My friends and loved ones wait, who trod this road before. And I can't feel at home in this world anymore!! Are all my prayers answered? NO, are there dreams still unfulfilled? YES, but I am still moving forward, waiting on the God of all comfort to restore to my life what sin has taken. Do I know how it will work out? NO, but it doesn't matter if I know. I know in whom I have believed and he will do all things for my good. Not for the good of my enemies, but for my good. Because all things work together for the good of those who love God. And if you love him, you will keep his commandments. When I could take what time I have left in this life for me, I choose God's ways, when I could go after one last round of selfish whims, I choose HIM. I know he will keep all things I have committed unto him. I am so glad I want to change my life to measure to the bible and not make the bible measure to my fleshly desires. I used to have more financially, allot more, but I have learned some of the most valuable lessons of my life. Money isn't the answer. JESUS is still and will always be the answer. I love you Lord. I thank you for carrying me through the most difficult years of my life. You have been faithful. You have loved me with an everlasting love. I have never gone without something I truly needed. Not once. You even provided dog food when my dogs were starving from lack of finances. Oh the stories I could tell of monies, tires, jobs, refunds, etc that came just in the nick of time, because my provider decided to go take care of another family. I can still hear Charlie say, "Let the church keep a roof over your head." Well I declare unto you this day, I don't have a roof over my head that belongs to me, but I have had shelter, food, clothing, and too many assets to name and the church didn't do it, my God did. My heavenly father has been looking after me before I was ever born and I praise him for his protection and provisions. And I have a mansion just over the hilltop that no man in this life can ever take away from me. My Pappy and my Nanny are waiting to show it to me. My Mamaw and Papaw have many things to tell me about. I will see my son from the heart. I will see many, many others who are waiting just over the other side if I will stay faithful to God and his word. My Dad told me that everything was going to be alright during a crisis when I was about 14, my husband said he would love me forever, that he would never leave, and I have had fair weathered friends make commitments that didn't come to pass, but God the Father, God the son and God the Holy Ghost has never told me a lie and never given me false hope. What a comfort, what a refuge, what security I have in knowing he is working all things for my good. Thank you Jesus. Keep me being all that you desire for me to be. Keep my children and my grandchildren in the right path, and have mercy on them enough to bring conviction to them that they can't get away from. Have mercy on my soul and the souls of all I come in contact with. Let me be a blessing, truly a blessing. Don't let my enemies triumph over me and my seed. Don't let none who are willing to surrender all to you be lost in the precious, holy, name above all names, JESUS. I truly have enjoyed the honor of being the mother of Charlie's children. I love them dearly!!!